By My Side Read online

  “Yeah,” I replied. We smiled at each other, and I watched as he disappeared down the stairs.

  I might seem crazy, or crazier. I was standing outside a two-story building, and I hadn’t moved for an hour. I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. I was not a lover of architecture, so facing this building wasn’t a hobby. It’s my father’s new home.

  At first, I wanted to go to his office at work, but after a quick call, I found out he called in sick today. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t think it was true. That’s why I was here under the hot sun at ten in the morning. We needed to talk about mom because everything has gotten out of control. When I woke up at dawn, I found her drinking some scotch like it was water. She’s avoiding the discussion of her addiction, and I couldn’t do anything without an adult by my side. What if some social worker came and saw her like that?

  I was looking at the doors of the building, waiting for some guts to kick in. I sucked at handling problems. My phone seemed heavy in my jean’s pocket. Maybe he’s asleep. Maybe he’s fed up about my crap. Damn! I took my phone and dialed Gabe’s number. I didn’t really understand why I had the guts to call him, but none to go to my father. I was a big contradiction.

  “Hey, I was about to call you, but I thought you might still be asleep,” he said, totally awake and cool with my call. Maybe I was a little too paranoid.

  “If only! No, I’m … um, actually I’m outside of my father’s building. I want to go in but …” I heard some noise, like someone standing up from a bed. He was on his bed. Okay, I need to focus or my imagination will go wild.

  “You need some motivation.” He finished my sentence, like he knew perfectly well how I functioned. Disturbing, but quite useful.

  “I’m pathetic, I know.” I was looking at the passing cars. I felt like a coward.

  “Absolutely not! God, Lily, I didn’t know you had such low self-esteem. Is there some place to grab a coffee where you are?”

  “Um, yeah, there’s a little diner. It’s quite uninviting, if you want my opinion.”

  “Great, go in and grab a table. Give me the address and I’ll meet you there soon.”

  Dumbfounded, I gave it to him and hung up, still hearing the sound of his keys. Looking at the diner, which I couldn’t read the name, they seemed to never repaint it. I shuddered, because I dislike going into a public place alone. Yeah, I was quite a loner, but I’ve got my limits.

  Pushing the door open, I walked in. At first, the customers shocked me. There’s quite a bunch. Some were in suits, others in jeans, but everybody seemed in a good mood and not paying attention to my grand entrance. The diner wasn’t as dilapidated as it appeared from the outside. It was decorated with shades of green everywhere. Even the waitresses were in that color. It was welcoming, and the smell of food helped. Just as I was sitting, a red-haired girl of my age I hadn’t noticed before, arrived to take my order. Wow, they’re quick here.

  “Hi! What do you want?” she said, welcoming me cheerfully enough to make me smile earnestly.

  “A big mug of coffee would be great.” And one minute later she’s back with my huge mug of delicious coffee. Paradise. I began to relax. Lost in my thoughts, I jumped in my seat when I heard someone sitting down across from me at the table. Now Gabe was laughing out loud. It’s my day.

  “It’s just me.”

  “Ha, ha, ha, very funny,” I replied coldly, my cheeks hot. “FYI, I’m not in the mood.”

  “I can see that,” he said with a grin. I wanted to hit him badly right now just to release the tension in my body. The same waitress as before returned, but this time she was blushing like crazy and unable to speak two words.

  “Hey Clary! How are you?” Gabe welcomed her with a friendly smile. Not exactly like the one he gave me. He was more on his guard with her. He must see she’s got a huge crush on him.

  “Hi! I’m … fi-fine. What do you want?”

  “Good. Some coffee, please.” She quickly turned around, knocking a table with her hip. It must hurt badly.

  “You know her? She’s like two years younger than you.” He shrugged and looked at some customers arguing about some business thing.

  “I know her sister, Kelly Williamson.”

  “Ah yeah, you went out with her a couple of times.” He looked back at me and grinned.

  “I didn’t know you made a list of my ex-girlfriends.”

  I nearly choked on my coffee. Busted! I was always disgusted about how girls could be that pathetic. I mean, they went out with him, even if they knew it was just a one-time thing.

  “Like I care anyway. I think with college I’ll never be able to follow your love life.”

  Clary brought him his mug with a little smile and stepped back as quickly as before. I didn’t understand why she’s shy. Yeah Gabe is hot, but he’s just a guy.

  “You would be surprised. I think my love life is more boring than yours,” he said, snuggling his mug in his hand.

  “Don’t make me laugh, Casanova.” I’ll never buy it. He’s a player, and we all knew it.

  “Let’s see,” he said with earnest, a little light in his gray eyes. “You went out with two guys these past two years, right?”

  “How do you know that?” I asked, shocked. He finished his coffee and touched his stubble on his chin.

  “My parents really talk a lot,” he replied. I shook my head with disbelief. He couldn’t have had less than two girls in two years. Unless, for once, he’s got a long time relationship. Impossible!

  “Don’t tell me you just got one girl.”

  “Well, none actually,” he replied with a little blush. I was in shock.

  “I don’t understand.” It’s not like he’s had a bad relationship in the past.

  “I was focusing on my classes, not on girls,” he explained.

  “And parties? You went to parties because it’s a must in college.” Or so they say.

  “I went, but nobody got my attention for more than small talk.”

  “Are you gay?” I asked curiously. I didn’t have anything against gay people, my Uncle Jim is gay and I love him, but it would be a shock and a disappointment. He blushed furiously and looked around us to see if anyone heard.

  “No! Of course not, I’m just … older I guess. I’m looking for something different. Somebody different,” he hissed at me. I was impressed. College was freedom, but it seemed to temper him.

  “You’ll find her in New York. I mean, it’s New York.” Could I sound more stupid? I didn’t think so.

  “You’ll love it. Now that I discovered this city, I could never live anywhere else,” he said with a dreamy gaze.

  “I need to be accepted into the college there. Not an easy target, even with my good grades.”

  “You’ll succeed. Now that we had completed our trivial subject … why do you want to see your dad?” I fidgeted in my chair.

  “You were right when you said I can’t take care of her alone. She won’t listen to me, so maybe if he told her she needs to straighten up …” I looked at my hands.

  “Do you think he’ll do it?” he asked me reluctantly.

  “I’m not sure, but his reaction will help me. If he’s an ass again, I’ll cross him out of my life forever.”

  “Forever is long time, you know.” He’s right, and maybe more mature than me, but I couldn’t see things otherwise.

  “When someone makes me suffer like that he’s got no right to stay or return in my life.”

  ”So, why am I here?” he asked, his eyes capturing mine.

  “It’s different. Nothing to compare with.” He relaxed. Our friendship, for lack of a better word, was important for him, too.

  “So, now that you’ve got some coffee in your blood, you’re ready to go. If things turn bad, come here right away. I’ll wait.”

  “You don’t—”

  “Shut up and go,” he cut me off. I smiled at him gratefully. It’s quite fun to have a private cheerleader.

  Chapter Five

  The fun, however, disappeared right away when I knocked on my father’s door. Maybe he won’t answer. Once upon a time, my father said to me that no matter what happened, he’d always be there for me. I trusted him. It’s not the divorce that changed my vision of life, but him and how he’s treated me. I needed to focus and act like I meant business. The door opened to the view of my father in jeans and a plain brown shirt. All I could say was that he’s definitely not sick.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, frowning. I know when someone’s not delighted to see their daughter. Sorry I was born!

  ”We need to talk.”’ I was proud of myself. My voice was steady. Now, if I could stop the shaking of my hands it would be great.

  “‘If it’s about your mother—”

  “I’ll cut you off now because I have something to say with or without your agreement,” I insisted boldly, my eyes burning holes in his face.

  Taken aback, he let me come in. His flat was simple, but seemed cozy. It only seemed so because there were boxes everywhere and little furniture. I liked the windows, which let the light fall in. No mistress in sight.

  “Lily, I’ve got a busy day, so if you could get it over with it would be great.” Standing at the center of the living room, we glared at each other.

  “I know you don’t care about Mom, but what about me? You know it’s complicated at home, and she doesn’t want to listen to me. I can’t take care of her. She needs help and I’m sure she’ll listen to you.” Just as I finished my little well thought out speech, he shook his head. His short hair, freshly cut, had all my attention. I didn’t want to look at his face.

  “I’m tired of all of this, Lily,” he said in a sigh. Of what? Of his family? Of his responsibility? I laughed bitterly, my new trademark.

  “Y
eah, great. Say hi to your mistress, but never forget that when this crap is over you’ll be all alone. Don’t count on me to forget, ever.”

  I turned around, opened the door, and walked quickly out of the little building. What closure! My heart was pounding. I felt sick about losing my dad for good, but I was also free of disappointing hope. I looked up and saw Gabe jogging to me. He’s worried. I smiled weakly, but smiled.

  “Seeing your face, I’d say it did not go very well.”

  “Bingo! What an ass.” I took out my phone and deleted his number. Game over. “If only everything could be deleted like that.”

  “It would be easier, but not for the best.”

  “Oh, Gabe, I’m not in the mood for philosophy,” I said exhausted, the aftershock coming.

  “And what about a day at the lake?” he asked, playing with the silver ring on his middle finger of his right hand.

  “I can’t stay out too long.”

  “You can’t stay in all summer. Your mom can take care of herself.”

  “Obviously not. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to come, but I can’t.” He bit his lower lip and smiled suddenly.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “Where?”

  “To your house.” I clenched my fist, tense. I wasn’t fond of the idea. Okay, he saw her wasted, but she wasn’t awake. I was crazy cold, even had goose bumps on my arms.

  “No way!” I said between my gritting teeth.

  “Why?”

  “You don’t have to glue yourself to me. You’ve got friends, don’t you?”

  “Harsh, you know I don’t want to spend time with them. I’m more at ease with you. Even my parents failed to make me smile.” Now I felt bad. I was such a selfish snob. The daughter was no better than the father.

  “They don’t have my fabulous sense of humor. I’m unique!” I joked, playing with my hair.

  “Actually, it’s true,” he affirmed with a slight blush under his stubble. When will I have the key to understand this guy?

  “I was just joking around,” I said, embarrassed.

  “Not me.” His eyes were so … intense. I needed to break this contact, or I’d drown in my own drool. Not a pretty picture and quite humiliating.

  “I suppose you’ll follow me with your car no matter what.”

  “Good guess, you know me.” Not as well as I would like. Thank God he’s not telepath, or I would run away to a secluded place. Let’s go to a happy place. Sarcasm was back!

  

  “You bring a boy home now?” mumbled my mother when we entered the house. She’s awake, but still in pajamas. Her hair was a mess. She’s got a glass, more empty than full, and was swaying dangerously. “Correction, you bring a little tall man.”

  ‘‘That makes no sense, you know,” I replied nervously. Gabe seemed unfazed. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  “Oh, shut up, Lily!” she said harshly. A new level; she’s venomous now. Fantastic!

  “Okay, we’ll let you drink all you want, don’t worry. Have a great party with your new best friend, Jack Daniels,” I countered. Discreetly, Gabe motioned me to the stairs. We headed to my room. We entered, and I closed the door loudly. It’s a ridiculous habit every teenager experienced, but it feels good.

  “That was harsh,” Gabe said as I lay down on my bed and took a huge breath.

  “I know I was wrong,” I replied with a sigh. He sat in my desk chair not far from my bed.

  “I didn’t mean you, I meant your mother.” I was looking at the ceiling. What did I have to say? Nothing.

  “Hopefully she’ll finish all the alcohol today.” I filled in, hoping that there would be an end to her drinking.

  “Then you’ll have to be careful. She might want to take the car to buy some more,” he warned me. I laughed and stood up.

  “No worries, I’ve got the keys to her car.”

  “Do you think it will be enough?” I knew he’s not speaking about her car.

  “No,” I answered, pacing my bedroom and lost in my thoughts.

  “Hey, relax,” he murmured suddenly in my ear. He’s standing behind me. He’s close. “Come lie down.”

  I let him bring me to my bed. We lay down together, shoulder against shoulder. I did it often with Andy, but here the vibe was different. It was intimate, for some reason. After a few minutes of not saying anything, just listening to our breathing, I looked at him. He was already looking at me.

  “Better?” he asked me in a murmur. I felt his breath on me. Was it me or was it hot in here?

  “Much better,” I replied breathlessly. Softly, he moved his hand and took mine. With his thumb, he brushed my skin slightly. We stayed hand in hand, my head now against his shoulder. Was his heart beating as fast as mine?

  I fell asleep. Against someone, against him. I must say he’s a wonderful pillow. Wow! Wait a sec! I was totally on him. Well, not on him, on him, but I’ve got one arm around his waist with my hand on his stomach. My head was on his chest, and I could hear his steady heartbeat.

  It’s simple, but I felt my own increasing at the sound. Maybe it’s because I just realized both his arms are around me, or because his fingers were touching bare skin on my neck and my small back.

  It’s the first time a guy was touching me like this. Okay, it’s because we fell asleep, but still. My two past boyfriends were only thinking about sex. I mean, it’s normal to think about it, to speak about it, but they were pushing me a little too hard. The more someone pushes me about something, the more I step back. That’s partly why I broke up with them. I wasn’t exactly romantic, but I needed some feelings and I felt none with them. Why was I thinking about that? What the hell was wrong with me?

  I must have tensed up more than I thought because Gabe began to move. Instead of releasing me, he held me tighter. He smelled like musk and shampoo. Intoxicating.

  “I’m holding you a little too tight, right?” he said in a husky voice before releasing his grip. His eyes were still closed.

  “It’s okay. I just woke up,” I answered, sitting up with my back against the bed’s head. He opened his eyes. His eyelids seemed heavy. He smoothed a hand in his hair, already bed like style. I tried to brush mine with my fingers before he could see. All I got was more pain than success. Marvelous!

  “You know what? It’s the first time in weeks I managed to sleep without a nightmare,” he said in a yawn. Still lying on my bed, he stretched.

  “I’m your new security blanket and you’re my new pillow.” He laughed and looked at me with a sly smile. A dimple appeared in his left cheek. Cute.

  “I’m your new pillow?”

  “But you’re not contesting the first part of my statement?”

  “Big words,” he teased, sitting next to me against the bed’s head. “The security blanket part is true.”

  “The pillow thing, too. I haven’t slept this deep for months.”

  It’s true. Between fights about the divorce, the departure of my father, and now my mom becoming an alcoholic I couldn’t sleep well. You just need to look at the dark circles beneath my eyes to see the evidence. It clashed a little with my dark blue eyes.

  “Okay, so now we have to sleep together.” I looked at him, grinning. He’s blushing like crazy, even his forehead, Hilarious.

  “I didn’t mean sleeping together like … like making love,” he stuttered looking at my poster of Kurt Cobain behind my door.

  “You’re breaking my heart, Gabriel Green!”

  We looked at each other and exploded in laugher. It’s so good, and it hid my uneasiness about the sex part. Nevertheless, our laugher soon died. A loud noise startled me, like someone falling. Oh, God! I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs, Gabe on my heels. There’s blood. Crap, there’s blood! I was paralyzed, she’s lying on the ground unconscious. Pieces of glass were in her right arm. She must have fallen with a glass in her hand.

  “I’ll call 911,” Gabe said, squeezing my shoulder. It’s like I didn’t feel it. For God’s sake, what’s happening to my life?

  In a blur, I saw them taking her away and Gabe answering their questions. I was standing straight, my eyes traveling to and from my mom. Now we’re alone. Gabe was in front of me, and worry marked his face. I have no idea what happened in the last thirty minutes.

  “Hey, she’ll be okay. They’re bringing her to the hospital to clean and stitch her cut, but don’t worry.” I looked at his gray eyes with long eyelashes.