We Shouldn't and Yet... Read online

  “You smell fucking good, beautiful. Open your legs wider.’’ He pets my hips and then brings his hands to my ass, squeezing. The tip of his fingers go between my ass cheeks, teasing and I moan. He insists some more and I grab behind his head, my other hand on his strong shoulder. “You’re killing me,’’ he growls and nips around my navel, then leaving a trail of wet kisses down to the small patch of hair right above my clit. He inhales my scent and closes in on my clit and I moan harder, loud. My breathing is choppier, out of control.

  He keeps a hand on my ass, massaging it in time with the movement of his wicked mouth while his other hand creeps to my inner thigh, slowly going up and up and up right until he pushes a finger inside me, stretching me just enough to give me a peek at what to expect next with his cock.

  “Jensen!’’ I feel like falling at any time. I grip him tighter, feeling his head moving faster down on me. He retracts his finger and his tongue goes inside me, deep. I can’t see a thing anymore. Everything seems to darken and brighten at once. “Jensen, don’t stop. Please, don’t stop I’m so close.’’

  He growls inside me, his tongue plunging faster, harder inside me and he pinches my sensitive clit. I come and scream. “Jensen, oh God! Hm… Oh!’’ I tremble, shake, buck against his mouth. My fingers scrap at his scalp, my nails bite into his shoulder. And his head and tongue and fingers are not stopping. He’s not stopping and wave after wave takes me under until I’m boneless.

  He stands up immediately, steadying me before I fall. I blink my eyes open, and see him squeeze the base of his thick cock as more pre-cum leaks from his tip. I lean against him heavily and keep my eyes on his erection.

  “If you keep looking at me like you want to fucking lick my dick, I swear I’m going to come right here and now, beautiful.’’ He keeps a tight hold on his length and growls again. The muscles in his arm cord, the veins in his forearm stick out.

  “I want to taste you too.’’

  He groans and takes my hair in his hand, tugging hard on it to tilt my head upward. “Soon, beautiful. Believe me, soon I’m going to fuck that delicious mouth of yours and you’re going to swallow everything I give you. But now,’’ he kisses me, opening my lips with his tongue. I taste myself in his mouth, smell myself on his face, in his beard. I moan in his mouth and he answers with a groan, another tug on my hair and a poke of his hard length against my oversensitive, over stimulated clit. “Now, I’m going to fuck you hard on my bike.’’

  He doesn’t wait for my answer. He snatches his jeans, grabs a condom from his wallet and leads me back to the bike a couple of feet from us. He sits back on the saddle and helps me in front of him, but this time, I have my back to him. The hair on my neck stands up, my skin pebbles again and my breasts, my breasts are almost aching from need. I already want him again when my body hasn’t recovered yet from the insane orgasm he gave me a couple of minutes ago.

  I hear the foiled packet opening and feel his movements behind me as he rolls it on his cock. I blindly reach his thighs next to my hips and I move up and down. The light dusting of hair there only adds to the sexiness of this man. He’s pure male and there’s nothing in him contradicting it.

  “Put your hands on the handle bar and hold on, beautiful. You’re going to need it,’’ he says and even though I can’t see him, I can hear the smirk on his face.

  I do what he tells me and tighten my hands around the handles. His hands go back to my hips, petting me, soaking in the smoothness of my skin against his rougher palms. He slides closer to me until his chest is plastered to my back, until I feel his rock hard cock right between the crack of my ass cheeks. I can’t help it, I push back.

  “Stop moving, beautiful and hold on,’’ he says in a growl in my ear, his stuttering breath brushing my neck and down my back, raising goosebumps along the way.

  He pushes me upward and I’m suspended over the saddle of the bike, only held up by my hold on the handles and his strong grip on my hips, a grip harsh enough to almost bruise. And it turns me on more. Slowly, he starts lowering me until his tip is at my soaked entrance. Once again, I stop breathing for a beat and I push back my hips, trying desperately to feel him inside me. I want to be filled by him until I can’t take it anymore.

  “Jensen, don’t make me beg.’’

  He chuckles, but it’s strained. He’s exercising intense control, both physically by keeping me up like this, but also mentally for not going for the instant gratification. This man is a real tease.

  “But I love it when you beg.’’ He lowers me a tiny bit more, just enough for his very tip to enter me.

  I gasp and tense at the intrusion. The slight burning I crave is back, but it’s not enough. My arms are shaking already, but I hold on. I want this too badly to let go and stop his delicious torture. “You feel good. So good.’’

  He groans and lowers me in one swift motion, his hips meeting me halfway in a hard thrust that has me scream silently. My voice can’t even come out. It’s too much. It’s so wonderful.

  His hands on my hips flex, but he doesn’t push me upward. Instead, he makes small circling motions with his hips, hitting that spot that makes me mewl repeatedly. My head is hunched between my aching shoulders as my hair hides my face and the world around me, keeping me safe in these sensations.

  “So fucking good, beautiful,’’ he pants behind me. I clench around him and he groans. “Yeah, you’re greedy, aren’t you? Want me to take you hard again?’’

  I nod, moaning again when he makes a move with his hips that makes him hit my g-spot more intensely. He pushes me up slowly, maddeningly slow, and I feel every inch of him just before he pauses at my entrance again and thrusts back inside me harder. He groans again, this time louder, but it’s lost in my buzzing ears and my loud moan of his garbled name.

  “That’s right, be loud, beautiful.’’ He pushes me up again and down, his hips sparing me nothing.

  I hear the sounds of our skin clapping against each other. I smell our mingled arousal and sweat. I feel his strength and his control starting to crumble. I’m barely still holding onto the handles, but I don’t dare move. I’m too overwhelmed with the pleasure, with desire. I’m getting so close. I keep clenching Jensen’s cock inside me, as if to try and keep him inside me.

  “Feel how I’m fucking you deep and hard, Aideen? Feel me?’’

  I can’t say a word around my moans and panting. I nod and arch up, shaking from head to toes, pushing back into his cock harder, wilder. I’m losing it too. I feel tears flowing down my face, but it’s not sadness. It’s pure and unadulterated pleasure.

  “I want to hear you, beautiful. Now!’’

  “Oh…Feel it…yes!’’

  He thrusts faster into me, groaning more and more. His fingers bite harder into my hips, his short nails leaving angry marks on my unblemished skin and I love it. I want him to brand me inside and out.

  “That’s right, beautiful,’’ he growls out, his voice getting raspier, thicker. “Squeeze my cock like that.’’

  He pushes faster into me, and I start soaring. It takes me almost by surprise, coming out of nowhere. I buck against him, my arms shaking violently. I become wilder, and go up and down, barely feeling it when he starts to push harder. The pain mixes with my orgasm, only heightening it. I scream, my head thrown back, my back arching. I’m hoarse and still, I’m coming again and again.

  “Fuck. Oh Fuck!’’ He shakes and he comes too, only drawing out my orgasm longer. His thrusts are fast, wild, without rhythm or reason as his voice rasps out my name, again and again in a chant I’ll keep ingrained in me. “Aideen, Aideen, Aideen!’’

  I clench around him, milking him completely. I know my arms are going to give so I lean back, straightening up at best with my boneless body and my sluggish muscles. He wraps his huge arms around me, pulling me flush against his sweaty chest. He brings his head in my messy hair, his lips lightly kissing my soaked skin right at my shoulder. I shiver and bring my hands to his around my body, taking in everythi
ng that he is, everything that he just gave me, everything that we experienced.

  He finally softens inside me and I know he needs to take care of the condom, but I don’t want to move. I want to keep feeling his hard breathing and loud heartbeat against my back, I want to keep his arms around me. I want to stay with him, and it’s scary. So damn scary.

  He kisses my shoulder one last time, taking a deep breath with his nose against my skin before he pulls back and out of me. Our moment, this moment, is over. And now, thoughts of my past are coming back, slowly, leaking back in to poison me and chase away the glow I’m basking in.

  I climb off the back of the bike on stiff legs and gather my clothes to get dressed, unsure of what to say. I’m not exactly sure what this, us, is. Are we friends with benefits? Are we fuck buddies? Is it more? I quickly zip up my jacket and turn around to find Jensen casually leaned against his bike, his jacket open over his t-shirt, his eyes dark and piercing on me, his lower lip between his teeth and his arms behind him on the saddle to support his weight.

  “I couldn’t resist you before, Aideen, but now I’ve jumped. Are you ready for this?’’

  I suck in a breath, my heart skydiving in my chest. “What does that mean?’’

  He shakes his head and briefly looks up at the sky and the stars twinkling above us. “I have no fucking clue, beautiful, but it feels like I took a jump and I’m falling. I bet the landing is going to be bad, but right now I just want to enjoy the fall.’’

  I swallow and nod, pushing over and above the scared warnings blaring inside my head. “It’s obvious that I can’t resist you either, Jensen. I don’t want to. But I think we need to be discreet while we…hm…do this.’’ I point at the bike, at a loss of words. My cheeks burn up my face, but I don’t look away. Instead, I walk up to him and stop toe to toe with that big man who just took me on a wild ride.

  “We will.’’ He cups my face and leans down, ready to kiss me. I put a hand on his chest just before his lips brush against mine.

  “And if you want to sleep with another woman, then we stop this.’’

  He nods and frowns down at me, the calm mask on his face starting to crack. “The thing is, beautiful, since you’ve entered my life I only see you, I only want you. There’s only you on my fucked up mind.’’

  He crushes his lips to mine and I answer his kiss with everything I have and it tastes like more. I free-fall.

  AIDEEN

  “I think lazy morning sex is the only way to start a day,’’ Jensen whispers softly in my ear. He sighs softly, his broad chest expanding under my head as his big hands moves over my back.

  I push my head farther into his hot chest and nuzzle his pec. It’s difficult to contain my burgeoning smile, the silly kind of smile I don’t think I’ve ever had stretching my mouth before. I trace his abs with my fingers, marveling at his perfect body. It’s so new to me to explore at my leisure, to just feel.

  “Hm,’’ I agree quietly and gently place a kiss on his pec. It’s funny how since our talk last night and the incredible sex on his bike has changed things between us. “But it doesn’t make me want to leave the bed.’’

  He chuckles and I hear the sound coming from inside his chest, right under my ear still plastered to his pec. “Good point.’’ He gently puts a hand under my chin and brings my head up to look at him. “Can I ask you something without… Shit, as if it’s not going to ruin the mood.’’ He starts frowning and shakes his head. “Never mind.’’

  “No, ask away. After last night…’’ I shrug and bring my hands under my chin on top of his chest and let him wrap his arms around me as if to keep me there so I can’t escape. It’s comforting to be held like this, naked and without a barrier between us. It’s intimacy at its finest and I’ve been missing out on this. It warms me, not just my body but my heart too.

  Jensen stares at my face with intensity until he slowly nods and squeezes me tighter against him, just enough to remind me he’s here, that I’m here with him.

  “There’s no easy way of asking this, beautiful.’’ He clears his throat. “After last night and what you told me about Yann and what he went through I wonder how it was between you two. I mean… sexually.’’

  I tense, my muscles going from pliant to hard in a blink of an eye, but I don’t try to move out of Jensen’s embrace. It’s not like I didn’t know it’s something he would ask. It’s only human to be curious and to wonder. I close my eyes and sigh.

  “Don’t close your eyes, beautiful.’’ His voice is soft, coaxing me into opening up instead of holding things inside me.

  This too is new. I’ve always been asked by Yann to hide things, to protect his secrets and I’ve always been the first to lock away my deepest thoughts and fears and emotions. In a way, Jensen is the first one to touch where I hurt and push me into sharing more of myself without giving me an easy way out. I don’t understand why I can let go with him.

  I re-open my eyes and force a sad smile on my face. “I loved Yann, you know, so the sex wasn’t the most important thing.’’

  “It’s still important.’’

  I nod and sigh again as some memories come back to me. So many of these memories are tainted by the sick bastard who broke Yann in ways I can’t think of without getting sick. “He would never be the one to make a move. I was always the one demanding sex. At one point it brought tension between us, and not the good kind of tension. He…’’ I clear my throat, embarrassed and also unsure if I should tell him this about Yann now that he’s not here anymore. “He wouldn’t let himself come and when he did…’’ I swallow thickly, remembering the first time we had sex and he came. He pushed me away so harshly afterward. “For him having an orgasm was linked to awful memories. I guess that… before you I didn’t really know what it’s like to let go, to enjoy and just feel when having sex. It’s new to me.’’

  He stays quiet for a minute or two, his eyes still locked on mine. I see understanding passing in them and also sadness, but what throws me is being able to read him so easily when we’ve known each other for less than a month.

  “Maybe it won’t make any fucking sense to you, beautiful, but this is new to me too.’’

  My heart tightens in my chest. It’s not painful at all, though. In fact, it’s like the warmest and most comforting embrace of all. Everything in me is in tune with this man so very different from me and yet who is a reflection of parts of me I’ve ignored for way too long. He’s waking me.

  I kiss his chest once and then a second time and sit up. He groans and tries to bring me back against him with his big and strong arms, but I move quicker, chuckling at his scowling face. “It’s late and I’m starved.’’

  Right on cue his stomach growls. His scowl turns to a glare as his eyes land on his stomach. And just like that, my nerves and sadness leave as I laugh with a happiness I’ve forgotten all about. My laugh is loud in the small bedroom, brightening the mood between us and bringing something we don’t really have together; levity.

  He sits up and snatches me by my waist and pulls me on him again. His back hits the headboard, making it clang against the wall with both of our weight bumping into it. My breasts are plastered against his chest and my nose is a breath away from his. All I see is the amusement in his eyes, suddenly looking lighter than I’ve ever seen them.

  “Having fun yet?’’ He nips at my lower lip before he steals a quick kiss that makes me want more. His right hand falls to my ass and he massages it.

  “Not that kind of fun. Stop it!’’ I laugh again and pull away from him. “You’re going to break me if we go at it again. Let’s go eat something.’’

  He lets me go and watches me as I grab my bathrobe on the back of the bedroom door. I don’t need to look at him to know his eyes are on me. I always know when he’s staring. There’s constantly a burning sensation inside me that makes it impossible to ignore him.

  “I wouldn’t mind eating you for breakfast, beautiful.’’

  “Oh my…’’ I start and
then shake my head. Fire ignites my cheeks, but they’re not the only thing ignited by his words. “Just get up.’’

  “But I already am,’’ he fires back and looks down at the sheet barely covering him. Actually, it’s highlighting his thick shaft pretty well in such a way I have to press my thighs together when a new wave of lust attacks me.

  “You’re…’’ I shake my head and turn around to leave the bedroom. If I don’t walk out now, I’m going to crawl back on the bed with him and I don’t know when we’ll ever leave the damn bed. “I’ll get pancakes ready.’’

  “Killjoy,’’ he mutters right when I leave the bedroom and I can’t stop another bout of laughter from leaving me.

  ***

  JENSEN

  I scowl at my phone. I’m ready to throw the damn thing against the wall. I grit my teeth, take a deep breath and release my tight grip from around it. It falls on my lap as Hal walks in. He’s been in a shitty mood since last Saturday and I know it’s because Aideen pushed him away. All in subtext, but Hal knows now that she’s not ready for him. At least, he thinks she doesn’t know about his feelings and he’s sure that she’s against all and every relationships. If only he knew the real truth.

  “Doing something tonight?’’ I ask, my voice gravely.

  Hal shakes his head and grabs a beer from the fridge. “I’m going to meet up with Stacy and Marco for dinner. Wanna come?’’ He opens the bottle and takes a long sip.

  “Nah.’’ I glance back down to my phone and curse Aideen in my head. It’s already Thursday night and I haven’t seen her, been inside her or kissed her since Sunday around noon when she kicked me out of her apartment after eating some really bad pancakes made by the sexiest woman. She’s always working and if she’s not working, I’m the one busy with work, with helping out some friends with their bikes or cars. Blue balls don’t feel that great, not when you have a hot woman supposedly available. I adjust myself and groan under my breath when my cock starts waking and pushing against the zipper of my jeans. Aideen makes me feel like a horny teenager all over again and it’s starting to piss me off. It also worries me how much time I’d rather spend with her than anybody else.