We Shouldn't and Yet... Read online

“How the fuck can you be even more gorgeous than I thought?’’ He comes back to me, and slowly crawls back over me, his knees on either side of me as he grabs my waist and propels me up the bed until my legs are fully on the mattress. Then, he brings his lips to my skin and starts kissing my knees. His soft lips part as if to devour me whole. That alone makes me burn hotter.

  After my knees, he goes for my inner thighs, cupping them with his big hands, opening them wider as his mouth ascends. Every now and then he nips me and I stop breathing until his open mouthed kisses start again. I push myself up to my elbows and look at his head between my legs, his face so close to my core that I feel myself blush more. He brushes his raspy cheeks against my inner thighs, raising more goosebumps on my heated skin. And then, he brings his mouth to my soaked panties and closes his eyes, brows furrowed as his lips attack my clit. I moan and throw my head back in pure ecstasy and need. My arms shake and barely hold me up. My breathing accelerates. My mouth stays open and he pushes on, his lips intent over my covered clit.

  “Jensen…Jensen…’’

  He groans and grips my hips as I start moving in earnest now, unable to stay still. I lean on my elbows, eyes open into slits as I watch his head move between my legs. I grab him and push him even more into me, my moans louder than before.

  Out of nowhere, he pushes away my hands with force and pulls away from my aching core. I don’t have time to question him, he tugs my underwear down and away from my body. His eyes are wild, his mouth red and glistening. His cheeks are downright red under his scruff. His chest is heaving, his muscles tight and flexing. He looks ready to explode and I’m the one bringing him so close.

  He stares at my pussy and licks his lips. His hands travel up my legs again, faster this time. Teasing is definitely over now. He lowers himself between my legs, back in position and this time there’s nothing between my wet core and his eager mouth.

  His breath brushes over me and I twist under his tight grip on my hips. He smirks at me and blows over my aching core. I take a hold of the sheets on either side of me. It’s that or I’m going to push his face to me until his mouth is where I want it so very badly.

  He places a feather soft kiss at the top of my thigh, close to its final destination. His breathing keeps torturing me, until he latches onto my clit. I fall on my back, my hands lost in the sheets, my hips moving in time with his ministrations. I can feel his lips, plump and demanding on my clit, his teeth greasing it. And his tongue… His tongue is circling the nub of nerves while his index finger is toying with me, barely entering me.

  I bring a hand to my breast and tug on my nipple, drawing out another moan, mouth wide open, eyes closed.

  “Do it again,’’ he commands, his voice like a growl. His finger enters me completely, and I whimper under my staggered breathing. I execute his command and I look back at him through heavy lids. He’s not smiling, but he’s watching intently, his hand moving between my legs, his mouth glistening. “That’s right. Don’t stop.’’

  He goes back to my pussy and as soon as his finger pulls away, his tongue enters me, making me cry out loudly. So loudly, that I barely hear the doorbell.

  “Fuck it.’’

  “It’s… it’s the pizza.’’ My voice comes as if from afar. The buzzing in my ears and the blood pulsing at my temples drowns it out.

  “Fuck the pizza. You’re not going anywhere and I’ve yet to have my fill of your pussy.’’

  I whimper, a hand still over my bra clad breast and the other still tightly fisting the bedsheets. When the doorbell rings again, Jensen is back between my legs, his mouth attacking me with a renewed vigor, his tongue hitting me just right inside me. And I’m crying out again, my voice getting higher as another orgasm comes nearer and nearer.

  “I’m close. I’m so close again.’’

  He stops and the doorbell rings again. “Don’t stop, Jensen.’’

  “I’m going to make you come again, don’t worry. I just want to feel you around my cock this time around.’’ He dries his chin with his big hand and lies on top of me, keeping his weight off me with his strong arms, caging me on the bed. Just before his mouth comes into contact with mine, just before I can taste myself on his lips and tongue for the first time, loud knocks at the door stop us.

  “Fucking cock-blocker.’’ Jensen shakes his head, his eyes flashing with anger. He stands up grabs one pillow next to me and puts it in front of his rock hard cock before snatching his wallet from his discarded pants. “Don’t move, beautiful.’’

  He turns around and I’m graced with a fantastic view of his ass and his muscled back, muscles that flex at his every step. I bite my lower lip. It’s physically hard to see him leave me when I’m on the brink of coming harder than ever, but I’m glad to be able to see more of his body, the same body I fantasized over while I got myself off the other night. And the reality far exceeds the fantasy.

  “I’m trying to fuck here. Next time a customer doesn’t answer and it’s obvious someone is inside, just turn around. Got it, kid?’’ Soon after, the door closes and he’s back, the pillow in one hand but not hiding his thick cock. In his other hand, instead of his wallet, there’s only a foiled square.

  “Where’s the pizza?’’ I ask breathlessly, my eyes festering on him.

  “On the couch. Want a bite?’’ He smirks and his eyes glance down at his cock.

  “If you’re offering your cock, I wouldn’t mind.’’

  He groans and rubs at his neck, while his fingers tightened around the foiled square. “Right now,’’ he says walking back to me, running his free hand up my calf, my thigh, to stop at my wet core, entering me swiftly. “I just want in.’’ He pulls away and kneels on the bed beside me, ready to put on the condom.

  I run a hand up his powerful thigh until I reach where I’ve been eager to touch, explore. I grip his cock hesitantly at first, but when I see his body tense and his muscles flex in his chest, I go for it more firmly. I tighten my small hand around his erection, and sweep my thumb over his tip, smearing the drops gathered there. His hand on my thigh grips me firmly, almost to pain. It pushes me on. I fist him down to his base, reveling in the smoothness of his skin, in the smell of him, in the thickness of his cock. Perfection has never seemed so attainable.

  “Keep it up and we’re going to skip the best part, beautiful.’’ His rough voice sends another shiver my way, and I clench on emptiness, my eyes hot on him going to and from the motion of my hand on his cock to his intense eyes.

  “Aren’t you presumptuous.’’

  He chuckles and pushes away my hand. I don’t resist much when I see the foiled square between his teeth. He quickly sheathes himself and I don’t miss a thing. I love how the muscles in his arms move as he grabs himself and rolls the condom over his impressive erection.

  “Younger men are probably presumptuous, I just know I’m good with my cock. Question is,’’ he says and lowers his mouth to my stomach, kissing, licking around my navel as he parts my legs wider to accommodate him there as his mouth moves up my body until he reaches my mouth and pecks me. “Do you want it enough?’’

  “Just being naked with you should be answer enough if you knew me better.’’ I let some seriousness seep in and I feel my heart hurt again. So far, I was able to bypass that constant pain in my chest, but Jensen is giving me too much room to think, to get out of our lust-induced bubble and now I’m one step in and one step out, threatening it to burst.

  He gets closer to me again, his face now so close I can see the specks of honey in his brown eyes. The playfulness dims in him too. “Let yourself escape everything for just a little while. Let yourself go and your mind go blank. Let me give you that reprieve because, beautiful, you’re going to give it to me ten times over. I’m already so close to blowing and you’re driving me fucking mad here.’’

  I nod and wind my arms around him, one hand behind his head and the other one on his bare ass, pushing him down to me until I feel his hardness press against me. He pushes his h
ips into me, nips at my chin, my nose and my jaw before pushing against me one more time and catching my moan in his mouth. Our fast breaths mingle, my teeth clash against his and then, when I think I’m going to beg him to just take me finally, he guides himself to my aching core.

  I feel his tip against me, just shy of entering me. His whole body is tense, almost vibrating under my hands. I tilt my hips upward, just enough to feel him start to enter me. “Keep your eyes on me, beautiful. Watch me fuck you.’’

  And he thrusts deep inside me, stretching me in a light burning sensation I’ve forgotten and yet enjoy so very much. I have to fight to keep my eyes open under the assault of pleasure, but I manage and what I’m seeing is enough to send me closer to the edge.

  His jaw clenches, the small muscle there flexing repeatedly. His nostrils are flaring as he tries to slow his shallow breathing. His shoulders are a wall of tight and coiled muscles on which I’m hanging on tight, my nails biting his skin. His whisker covered cheeks are redder, his lips closed tight. But it’s his eyes that finish me off. They’re ablaze, watching down between us where we’re now united. That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Don’t fucking move,’’ he snaps, his voice dark and low, when I move a tiny bit to feel him inside me, to feel more, to find that friction I’m wild for. He kisses my shoulder, my neck and brings his lips back to mine in a scorching kiss that makes me melt more than I already am.

  He pulls back to his tip and thrusts back inside me. Lips brushing against lips, we share the same moan, the same air and he takes me on the wild ride measured with expert thrusts that hit me just right until I’m no longer coherent.

  I moan louder, eyes now closed, head thrown back on the pillow, back arching more and more toward him until my hard nipples brush against his muscled chest. I grip his back tighter, not caring if I’m hurting him with my nails. Nothing matters but the sensations growing and building inside me, faster and faster, following the rhythm of his thrusts.

  His hand loses itself in my hair and then, he tugs on a fistful of strands, forcing me to arch up even more and I cry out, pleasure and soft pain mingling and getting me ready to come blindly.

  “You like that, beautiful? Like a little kink?’’ he growls against my mouth, not once easing his deep thrusts. He then grabs both my wrists in one of his big hands and forces them over my head, pinning me down while his other hand keeps its strong hold on my hair. I’m at his sinful mercy and I’m soaring.

  I moan and nod, meeting his thrusts with my own. He tightens his grip around my wrists, and thrusts harder into me. Our slippery skin clasp and I’m starting to shake all over.

  “Jensen.’’

  “That’s right, say my name.’’ He keeps thrusting, his hips losing the perfect tempo as his control starts slipping. “Again.’’

  “Jensen!’’ I cry out, bowing upward, my hips moving out of control, my breathing stopping altogether, my mouth open wide and my eyes open but unseeing, Jensen hovering over me, drawing out my orgasm as his own takes him over and under.

  “Aideen,’’ he rasps on his last thrust inside me.

  He’s shaking as badly as I am. His skin is clammy, his hair sticking to his forehead. He releases his grip on my wrists and hair. The blood rushes back in my hands and pinpricks numb my fingers as I move them.

  My heart is still going at breakneck speed, my breath is still out of sorts, and I haven’t felt this good in what seems like forever. I stare at Jensen as he pulls back, taking care of the condom as he leaves the bed and pads silently to my small bathroom. I hear the water running, something hitting the dustbin before he turns off the water.

  And now that I’m not feeling his hot and sweaty body against mine, on top of me, I want to curl up and cry. I’m not used to this roller-coaster of emotions and I’m crashing badly after soaring up too far. The glow I just felt deserts me and I’m left feeling hollow, guilty and filled with regrets.

  He walks back to the bed and sits, his back to me, his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. I guess I’m not the only one having regrets?

  JENSEN

  What did I fucking do? Oh, yeah, I thought with my dick, that’s what.

  I keep my head in my hands, eyes closed, grinding my teeth and I finally have a soft dick between my legs. But at what cost? I fucked the girl my son is after. I fucked a girl that’s my son’s age. I fucked a girl who deserves far better than me.

  “Jensen?’’

  She sounds young, unsure. That’s my doing. I’m fucking up at every turn it seems. I take a deep breath and look over my shoulder. She’s still naked in all her beauty, bared of any artifice. Her full round tits, her flat toned stomach, her long creamy legs closed and her hands, one on her stomach and the other at her hipbone, complete a perfect picture worth any nude painting or artistic porn picture I’ve ever seen.

  Her face turned to me is closed off again. Her lips, still swollen and red from my kisses are pursed. Her eyes aren’t glassy by lust or bright with amused arousal like before. They’re dulled, almost as if she’s keeping a pain hidden.

  “I don’t know what I should say now.’’ I barely recognize my voice. In fact, I’m starting to spiral into the deep pit I’m usually trapped in. I feel it coming, already tunneling my vision.

  She drums her slim fingers on her skin and I can’t help the flash of memory of what these fingers felt like around my dick. There is a barely there twitch behind my balls and I mentally curse myself. I have no control whatsoever when it comes to this woman. Sleeping with her is only going to make things worse, but now it’s done and even though guilt is plaguing me, I can’t bring myself to fully regret it as I should.

  “There’s nothing to say. Don’t worry, I knew what I was getting myself into. You’re obviously into casual sex and that’s fine.’’

  I frown at her, turn to my side, a leg folded up on the mattress to face her. I cross my arms over my chest. When her eyes wander over me, I’m ready to pull her to me and fucking beg her to touch me again and prove to her that these damn words shouldn’t be coming out of her perfectly swollen lips. What the fuck?

  “Where do you get that?’’

  “You’re in your late thirties, single, have never been married and you’re handsome. And of course there’s a certain Claire? Or is it Carly?’’

  “Cassie,’’ I mutter, annoyed when I shouldn’t be.

  “Yes, Cassie. From what I’ve heard she’s more of a regular, but still not a girlfriend because you don’t do those. If you’re afraid I’m going to, I don’t know, cling onto you, I’m telling you now; I won’t.’’

  “That’s not even the point, and to be honest Cassie is using me just like I’m using her. A girl like you has meaningful sex, I have sex to forget things. That’s what I do, that’s what I’m good at.’’

  She sits up, her back pressed to the headboard. “I needed to forget things too. Don’t think you have the monopoly on angst, Jensen. I wanted it as much as you did and that’s all. Now grab your clothes and go home.’’

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t regret what we did.’’ She doesn’t move, her eyes resolutely fixed on my hand supporting me. “Come on, look at me!’’

  She turns her face to me, eyes hard like I’ve never thought possible and it fucking pains me to see that look on her. “Happy?’’

  I shake my head, scoffing. “No. I’m far from happy.’’

  “You should go, Jensen.’’

  I nod and grab my pants at my feet and pull them on in a jerky movement before sitting back on the bed to put on my socks and beaten biker boots. “There’s a lot of things I should have done and didn’t.’’

  “And there’s a lot of things we shouldn’t have done yet did, right?’’

  She’s trying to rile me up, to push me into saying things I don’t want to say. But I sure am thinking them at this very moment, yet I’m not truly feeling them. That’s pretty messed up and while I’m used to messing up, here it’s entirely different
and I’m out of my depth. I hope Hal never hears of this. Fuck, I really hope he never hears of what happened here. My hands shake so bad as I lace my boots that I stop.

  “All I’m saying is that you deserve more than this.’’ I stand up, put on my shirt and walk out her door without a look back when all I want is one fucking last look at her on her bed. And it’s funny really, because it feels like I’m leaving something behind in that bedroom with Aideen and I don’t know what the fuck it is.

  I run down the flight of stairs, ignoring the shouting ache in my shoulder or the way my head is starting to throb with a migraine. I stop at the line of mailboxes in the hall, snatch my helmet from on top of them and walk out to my bike. I put my helmet on, turn on my bike and when it comes to life, I make it roar. I feel it vibrate between my legs. I take off at breakneck speed and give the finger to a man honking at me when I fly past his car. It’s dangerous, I shouldn’t be doing it but apparently that’s a pattern I enjoy today, so why break the habit now?

  I hesitate going straight home or taking a ride on my bike to calm myself down, but in the end the ache in my shoulder and head is getting too much to handle when sober. Home it is. I turn in my quiet street and slow down. I don’t want to risk hitting a kid playing at the curb with my reckless driving.

  The lower level of the house is lit up and Hal’s car is parked at the curb. I can’t escape him, yet I really want to. I’ve never been a coward in my life, but right now with me smelling like his girl, my clothes crinkled and my mind fucked, I really want to hightail it out of there and avoid him. At least until I wash her off me.

  It’s too late now, though. With the noise my bike makes, it’s impossible to miss me. I park my bike, take off my helmet and hold it under my arm as I walk slowly to the front door. I move towards the house as if I have lead attached to my ankles. That’s how hard walking is while my mind is still partially in bed with Aideen.

  I stride in and the first thing I see are the empty beer bottles on the coffee table and the tequila, the same one I started last night. I look around and catch a glimpse of Hal’s body on the couch under the plaid blanket usually covering the old and ugly fabric of the couch. He’s snoring like a train wreck and finally real guilt hits me.