Take A Chance_Be A Doll Spin-Off Novella Read online

  “You probably wonder why I wanted to talk to you in private,’’ I said, a nervous smile tugging at my lips that must make me look quite demented, which wasn’t that far from how I felt at that moment.

  Chance’s blue eyes didn’t waver from my face. In fact, if anything, it was as if they were digging as deep as possible inside me, uncovering my deepest secrets. “At first I thought it was about your brother, but now I’m not so sure. What’s up, Megan? Are you in trouble?’’

  My heart is. I shook my head and clasped my hands on top of the menu. My knuckles turned white as I tightened my grip. “No, no I’m fine.’’ I cleared my throat and dropped my eyes to his lips. How many times had I wondered how they would feel against my lips? Or if the light stubble on his face would give me shivers if he ever kissed me? “We’ve known each other a long time now.’’

  “Yes, thirteen or fourteen years I think.’’

  I blew out the air trapped in my lungs and nodded. “Listen, Chance,’’ I began and then stopped when his phone on the table started to buzz an incoming text. I got a glimpse at the lit up screen and caught enough of the text to guess it’s from one of his women. A booty-call. Or a dirty text.

  I’ve never sent a dirty text to my boyfriends before. A pretend sweet text meant more as a booty-call, yes, but a straight-up dirty text, never. I was out of my depth here. Chance was thirty-two, he had way more experience than I did and had never shown an inkling of interest in me or a hint that he wanted to settle down. What was I doing here?

  “Sorry,’’ he mumbled and quickly turned his phone face down to hide the screen, but I noticed that he didn’t make a move to answer that text. “It’s for work. Nothing important. Go on.’’

  Work. Yeah, right. I fought the nausea and the way my heart shriveled up in my chest and kept my eyes on his, remembering that while I would probably be hurt, I owed it to myself to do something instead of staying in that stupid unrequited love. I conjured up Lila’s words of encouragement and straightened up in my chair.

  “There’s no good way of saying this, so I’d better get it out.’’ His frown didn’t ease up. I had rarely witnessed such an expression on his face, but I didn’t let it deter me. “Since that day you came home with Mathis during winter break your freshman year in Harvard, I’ve had the biggest crush on you and it only grew more as years went by. I’m in love with you and it’s been ruining my every relationship with men.’’

  His frown disappeared and a blank expression took over his face. His usually tanned skin paled as his mouth opened in shock. I kept quiet and let my words sink in until Chance finally shook his head and pulled back in his chair as if to put as much distance between us as possible. His whole body language changed and he didn’t have to utter a single word to make me understand that nothing would change between us, not now and not later once he’s had more time to see me as more than his best friend’s little sister.

  “Megan…’’ he began slowly, his voice rough and reluctant to come out, just like how he was looking at me.

  “Don’t, Chance.’’ My voice broke on his name, getting chocked. My shoulders hunched over and I crossed my arms over my chest, needing the little comfort I could find. “I knew you didn’t feel the same way. I just… I needed to say it once to finally let go.’’

  “I’m sorry. I…’’

  I held up a hand and stopped him before he could give me some crap platitudes to lift my spirit. That would only make me feel more pitiful than I already was. When you opened up and gave your heart to someone and it broke into thousands of tiny and sharp pieces, there wasn’t much to do but to retreat and lick your wounds in peace.

  “Don’t say anything, okay?’’ I begged, my voice strangled and when it became impossible to hold his blue eyes, I looked away and stood up. Tears invaded my eyes, rendering my shrinking little world to a foggy mess dancing in front of me.

  “Megan, wait—‘’

  I turned around abruptly and shakily grabbed my leather jacket and scarf from the back of my chair, then ran out of the small taco restaurant. I didn’t try to hide my distressed tears or hold in my sobs either. My breathing was a mess, and I didn’t care because all I felt was that intense pain inside me, the kind of pain that took over when you lost someone. The last time I experienced that pain was when Max died, and Mathis retreated into himself and away from me. But this situation was different. Nobody died and Chance had never been mine. Only my hopes died.

  I stared around but didn’t see anything. I only saw Chance’s stricken face and his discomfort. I closed my eyes tightly and didn’t make a move to dry my face. It would be useless anyway because more tears would follow. Many more.

  ***

  CHANCE

  I wasn’t a man often taken by surprise, but at that very moment with my eyes trained on the chair pulled back where Megan just sat, I was completely baffled.

  I had always seen Megan as Mathis’ little sister, the gangly girl I had met when in college, the girl I would exchange a few words with at some functions and that was all. In fact, I had never truly seen her as a grown-up woman, up until just then and I noticed in her beautiful brown eyes her heart shattering. That was when it hit me that she wasn’t the same teen as she had been over a decade before, that she was very much a young woman.

  “Sir?’’

  Startled, I glanced up at the waiter who kept on talking, but his words didn’t reach me. I could only hear Megan’s words on repeat. ‘I’m in love with you and it’s been ruining my every relationship with men.’

  I cleared my throat and stood up abruptly. The waiter jumped back, eyebrows arched up so high they disappeared behind his hair falling in a tumbling mess on his forehead.

  “Sorry. Something came up,’’ I mumbled and left without another look back or another word.

  I walked on autopilot back to the office, my mind stuck on Megan and discovering her for the first time, seeing the real woman she was with her thick brown hair, her shining brown eyes, her wide mouth with well-defined lips usually always sporting a smile, even if sometimes small. And then I pictured her slim body with discrete curves. A foreign shiver went down my spine.

  I cringed and rubbed at my temple right when I left the elevator to go straight for my office without a glance at my assistant’s desk or anyone else’s desk for that matter.

  I was a mess on the inside, something I had never felt.

  Gone was the self-assured man I had always been.

  MEGAN

  “Thank you for stopping by, Lila,’’ I said and hugged her one last time, smiling sadly when at first she stiffened before she hugged me back. It brought another bout of tears to my eyes.

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay?’’ she asked me softly, worry impossible to miss in the way her delicate eyebrows bunched over her eyes and the flat line of her mouth.

  Even in the complicated marriage with my brother and what must be quite the circus between them, she was here to comfort me, bringing me coffee and sweets to help soothe me. That hour spent with her truly helped, shedding me of my self-imposed loneliness to open up enough to share the burden of my pain and feelings. While it didn’t do miracles, it did help. I don’t feel like screaming in pain and agony anymore or staying under my covers for the whole day when life wasn’t waiting for me. It’s been almost twenty-four hours already anyway. I couldn’t spend my life crying over myself because I was stupid enough to feed these ludicrous feelings for a man who would never see me like someone other than his best friend’s young sister and a ‘kid.’ And it was without broaching the subject of his apparent disinterest in settling down or at least giving it a try at a serious relationship in which commitment lasted more than a month or two.

  “I have a broken heart. It’s not like we don’t all get at least one. I’ll be fine.’’

  She looked away then and nodded before forcing one last time a smile for me and walking away to the elevator waiting for her. Frowning, I closed the door once Lila stepped into the elevator and
I leaned against it.

  Even if I knew a broken heart was common as sad as it was, it didn’t make it any easier to breathe through it without crumbling. And that was without saying that looking on the bright side, letting silly hope or optimism out was out of the question for now.

  I was empty of everything but that throbbing pain I brought on myself.

  My cell phone started ringing on the coffee table I got from a thrift shop last month. With a sigh, I walked to it, shoulders slouching further when I saw that it was my mom calling. She always seemed to have some kind of sixth sense when her kids weren’t well, and it started after Max’s death.

  “Hello, Mom. I wasn’t expecting your call.’’

  “Bonjour, ma chérie. I don’t need to schedule my calls with you now, do I?’’ Her French accent warmed my ears and comforted me immediately. It reminded me of the times when she would hug me whenever I was sad. My mother, even after so many years living in the United States of America, hadn’t been able to shed her French accent. She would never admit it, but I bet she had never tried. She preferred to hang onto that part of her after leaving so much behind to build a life with Dad. That was true love. After everything our family went through, they were still together even though they looked nothing like the couple they used to be before Max’s accident. We were all different, anyway. Changed.

  “You know it’s not what I meant,’’ I said and sat on the couch, frowning when the remote bit into my asscheek and it stopped the Gilmore Girls episode on Netflix to forward to the next. “Is everything okay?’’

  “Is it?’’ she asked back with the kind of inflection I knew by heart. That was usually when she prompted me into sharing something about my life I had no interest in sharing until she asked me and I couldn’t deny her. That was probably because I knew how sad it made her that Mathis always kept her at arms’ length when he used to talk our ears off back when he was a kid. Now, I was the only one who let in on my life, and for the most part, it was good to have someone to talk to. While I didn’t trust most of my friends, I did my mom blindly. I trusted family blindly and maybe that’s also why I took a liking to Lila so fast. She was a Grimes now, no matter what her marriage to Mathis would become.

  “It looks like you want to know something.’’

  She clacked her tongue on the roof of her mouth, just like she always does when she’s running out of patience. “Megan, ma chérie, by now you should know you can’t hide anything from me.’’

  Beads of sweat glided down the back of my exposed neck, sticking to my skin a few strands that fell out of my messy bun on top of my head. I had thought my heart was decimated, and nothing was left in my chest other than a gaping hole, but the sudden seizure in there told me something else.

  “What?’’ I choked out, clearing my throat just afterward to cover my nerves and how scared I was at the prospect of anybody discovering how humiliating my infatuation for Chance Atwood was. And if my mom knew about it, it was only a matter of time until she slipped and said something to Mathis. My shame would be complete, and I could think about moving to another country, maybe crashing at my cousin’s, Béatrice, in France.

  “The other night Lila said you were on a date. How was it? I didn’t know you were dating someone. Tell me everything about him.’’

  And just like that, I could breathe again. “Oh, hm… It didn’t pan out, so there’s nothing to say.’’

  I grabbed the remote after some expert twisting on the couch to get it from under my butt and changed back to the previous episode of Gilmore Girls. I was so focused on my task that I didn’t notice the lengthy silence over the phone until it was too late.

  Sylvie Grimes was nothing if not perceptive.

  “You’d tell me if that man did something to you, wouldn’t you?’’

  “Of course, Mom. You know it.’’

  “Pff, with you, kids, I don’t know anything anymore.’’ She sighed down the phone, but I knew it was a way of teasing me instead of berating me. “But you’re still hiding something. You sound tired.’’

  “Mom…’’ I trailed off in annoyance and stabbed on the volume button to turn up the sound of the TV, just as Rory’s voice fighting with Dean went higher than usual.

  “Are you watching that show with the silly women?’’

  “They’re not silly and it’s a great show.’’ I glared at the TV and threw the remote on the couch next to me. “You’ve never watched Gilmore Girls anyway.’’

  “No, but I remember that you watch it whenever you’re sad. If you don’t tell me what it is about, I’ll get a cab and knock at your door.’’

  I rolled my eyes and pushed through the prickling in them as my living room blurred. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let me… Give me some time and I’ll tell you, okay?’’

  “Megan—‘’

  “No, Mom. Please. I feel stupid and hurt. That’s not something I want to talk about, but don’t worry. Lila was here earlier, so it’s not like I’ve spent my day wallowing in my apartment with the curtains drawn.’’

  “Lila is amazing and I’m glad if you’ve let her in. I know you have a hard time with new people. You’re like Mathis that way, but I’m your mother, Megan. I worry.’’

  The pain in my mother’s voice at the underlying meaning of her words tugged at me. She’s always been a very protective mother, the kind that could be smothering at times, but after what happened to Max, I knew her worry for Mathis and me went up even higher than it ever had. I couldn’t blame her and I understood where she came from.

  “It’s just a broken heart from loving someone who doesn’t love me in return. It wasn’t a surprise, but I needed all hopes crushed once and for all to move on. That’s all, Mom. You can relax.’’

  “Oh, ma chérie, I’m sorry. Chance is… hm… I mean, that man doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.’’

  “Chance? How do you… Mom?’’ I stuttered, gripping the phone so tightly I wondered how it didn’t slip through my sweaty fingers. “Am I that obvious?’’

  “I’ve always known about it, but no it’s not obvious. You’re my daughter and I’ve always sensed your feelings for him. But you shouldn’t take it so hard. He’s never had a reason to see you as someone other than Mathis’ sister.’’

  “It won’t change a thing, Mom. You should have seen his face!’’ I let out a pitiful sob and my mom started cooing down the phone to calm me down, just like she used to when I got upset as a kid. I’d always been pretty sensitive. “He was appalled.’’

  “He was surprised.’’

  “You weren’t there.’’

  “You know, maybe I’m wrong.’’ That shut me up and I listened more attentively. “Maybe he won’t open his eyes and entertain the idea of something happening between you two, but I’ve been on this earth a lot longer than you have, ma chérie, and I know a thing or two about how men work. Don’t hide because you’re in pain and don’t feel ashamed because you took a chance. You have nothing to regret.’’

  “What should I do then? It hurts. So much,’’ I whispered quietly, my free hand gripping my thigh covered by an old yoga pant so tightly my nails hurt.

  “Love hurts, ma chérie, it hurts because you care, because it means that you’ve taken down all your shields and let out who you are at heart, but it also means that it has the potential to bring you the kind of happiness you crave and need to blossom to your full potential. It doesn’t have to be the love from another man, it can come from a family member or a friend, but love is a risk worth taking. Every. Single. Time.’’

  “I don’t know. Look at my life. Nothing is going well.’’

  “Don’t talk like that, Megan.’’

  I dried my eyes when tears made a reappearance. Despair was my companion. “I’m single, I have no interest in the job opportunity I’m presented with, and I feel like I’m in a cage. I don’t know what to do.’’

  “Hm… Maybe you need to take time off and think, ma chérie.’’ The worry in her voice o
nly intensified the flow of my tears. I hated giving my mother reasons to be concerned with me. I’ve always been the good kid, the one who never made waves other than since my graduation from college and my incapacity to enjoy my jobs. Ever since I got my diploma I’ve been scattered, always jumping from job to job, restless in everything and unmotivated. Maybe my issues ran a lot deeper than my broken heart.

  “Megan, are you still there?’’

  I blinked and cleared my throat. “Yes. Sorry, I was lost in thoughts.’’

  “Why don’t you leave for a few days and visit your cousin Béatrice? You two have always been close and you didn’t spend a lot of time together at Mathis’ wedding.’’

  Béatrice was the youngest daughter of my mother’s sister. She lived in France in a gorgeous old neighborhood in Paris and she was only two years older than me. I’ve always envied her free spirit, her assurance in everything she put her mind to, starting with her art studies that ended up opening doors for her to a gallery where she worked now.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. I have that job…’’

  “You couldn’t sound less convincing if you tried,’’ she retorted when I trailed off. “It’s not running off if it means that you’re planning your future and the kind of life you want. You need direction and to mend your heart.’’

  “It’s pathetic, isn’t it?’’

  “Pathetic?’’ she exclaimed in a thick French accent. “It is not!. Ma chérie, you’re hurting. There’s no shame to have. None, you hear me?’’

  “Yes. Alright.’’ I sighed the kind of sigh that came from deep within. “I think you’re right. I need to leave this city and…’’ I cleared my throat again before I choked on my words, “I can’t see Chance right now. Or Mathis.’’

  As soon as my decision was made, the weight on my shoulders alleviated. It was still there, of course, but less constricting. The trouble was that it had no effect on the pain in my heart. That still throbbed and poisoned my whole self.